Lately I have been having an internal struggle. I have been feeling like I need to be doing something more in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my roles as wife and mother and I truly thank God for giving me the opportunity to stay home with my beautiful baby girl. However, after years of working/going to school/being super involved and overbooked, my life just feels a little too slow some days.
It was definitely a difficult transition to go from working to staying home with a baby. I am not going to lie, I definitely experienced some depression being home alone long days with a colicky baby. The baby got a little older and less fussy, I found my MOM group, and I adjusted to life being a stay-at-home-mom. Now I really love staying home and I really don't like the idea of having to go back to work and leaving my baby with someone else.
However, I feel like I am missing a piece of myself. I never realized how much of my identity was tied up in my "job". I never realized just how much I really thrived on the occassional pat on the back and the satisfaction of a job well done. Those are two things that are pretty nonexistent in a mother's world. The "job" is never done and there are virtually no pats on the back or thank you's. (So you should all take a minute and call your mothers and tell them thank you and that you appreciate them. Don't worry, I'll wait ... Back? Okay. I know that I certainly try to do that more that often than before becoming a mother myself.)
I feel like I am not growing as a person as much as I could be. I have been juggling around a lot of ideas in my head recently, trying to find a good fit for me and for our family. Nothing seems to quite fit at the moment, so the struggle continues on between loving to stay home with my baby and the need for some sort of personal accomplishment. Maybe I am just not really appreciating the blessings in my life and just feeling like the "grass is greener on the other side".
What do you think? Do you stay home? Work? Do you ever question your decision? What do you plan on doing when you have kids, if you don't already?
2 weeks ago