CRAPtastic Day

This post is not for the weak stomached. It involves a lot of bodily fluids. Read at your own risk.

Today has been just wonderful. (Can you see the sarcasm dripping off of that?) It started off well, but took a turn for the worst very quickly.

Fiona slept from 8:30 until 6:00 this morning, which was absolutely fabulous. I heart sleep. She got up and ate and played until about 7 and then went back to sleep. I woke up Nathan and asked him to take the dogs out because I wanted to grab a quick shower. A few minutes later Nathan comes into the bathroom to tell me he heard the baby wake up, and oh yeah, Toby (the dog) had diarrhea in his kennel and puked outside, then puked again when he brought him inside. But, Nathan had to run out the door to work, so could I take care of it?

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!

In the few minutes it took me to get out of the shower the dog had puked and pooped about 3 more times all over the house (and all over 3 pairs of my shoes). What a wonderful morning. I needed a drink and it was only 7:30. I got the baby up, put her in the swing, and started cleaning. I stupidly left the dogs out, partly because I still needed to clean the kennel out, but I also honestly thought the grossness was done. However, of course it wasn't. I spent the morning cleaning up after the dog.

On top of the dog grossness, Fiona has a very snotty nose and so I was also covered in baby snot. Then, while I was feeding her, I heard the rumblings down below. I'm sure that by now you can see where this is going. It was of course a blow out diaper of unrivaled proportions. She covered us both in baby poop. So much for my shower.

I wish the day ended with that, but alas, it does not. After recovering slightly from the train wreck of a morning and early afternoon, I decided it would put us all in a better mood (oh yeah, the baby had definitely refused to nap so she was in a winner of a mood) if we went outside and enjoyed the sun and the nice weather. It was gorgeous out and despite the forest that is forming in the back because Nathan has still not finished mowing, we were all enjoying being out of the stinky house for a bit. I was just sitting there minding my own business when a bird flies over and, oh yes, POOPS on me. I got CRAPPED on my a BIRD!! I got bird poop all over my arm and some in my hair.

This has literally been a crap filled day (dog, baby, and bird poop) and it is only 4:15. Please send alcohol and a cleaning crew, but mostly just alcohol.