Wednesday, October 30, 2013


More than any other feeling over the last almost 6 weeks I have felt exhausted.  Most of my days I walk around numb inside.  Sometimes the sadness overwhelms me and sometimes I rage at everything and everyone.  However, I am exhausted all the time.  I thought that I knew what exhaustion was before this, but my years of sleep deprivation with small children doesn't hold a candle to this.
Nathan and I attended a prayer service a couple weeks ago for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day.  The priest was talking about speaking with his sister who had lost her baby and how she described just being tired.  That carrying this huge weight around all the time was so exhausting.  That sums it up perfectly.  I'm tired.  My heart hurts so much that my head can't begin to process all of this.  I am constantly walking around in a tired fog, surrounded by guilt.